From the Archives (1)

Faith:                          
"One time, Dad spanked me with something metal & gray."

Me, Aaron (#3) & Amy (#5):     
"Metal & gray? What was it?"

Faith:                          
"I don't know, I think it was a wrench."

Dad:                              
"Oh yeah, and then I pulled out my gun & pistol whipped her."

Bat time

In the Lili version of baseball, you don't run the bases when you get a hit. You wack stuff off of Meemaw & Papa's trees.

And then, suddenly...

No matter how mundane the topic, a story told by Faith ALWAYS includes the word "suddenly." Always. Got the following text from Mom last night.

Faith to Mom: 
I was popular in school in California.* Everybody loved me. And suddenly,** I graduated. Everybody was so sad.

She also thinks she went to an all girl school.***

*We moved to Missouri when she was about 10.
**SEE!! I told you!!
***She went to public high school.


The other night, after listening to Becca (#2) tell us a story about her paranoid boss thinking someone hacked his computer system in order to sabotage him, Faith told us about the time she was the CEO of McDonalds. "And then, suddenly, someone hacked into my computer system & tried to sabotage me!"


Love that girl.

Huh?

Last night we went to Mom & Dad's for dinner. As we drove up the street, we could see Faithie standing in the front yard. We pulled into the driveway & I rolled down my window.


Me: Faith, what are you doing?


Faith: I have something stuck in my teeth.


Me: But, what are you doing?


Faith: I hurt my hand.


Me: Okay... But WHY are you standing in the front yard???


Faith: Oh!... I don't know.

Oh my gosh this is addicting

My mom gets approximately 623 phone calls from Faith a day. Okay, maybe not 623, but it's a lot. Some days close to 50. And lots & lots of voicemail messages that involve Faith forgetting she was calling someone (so the message is just her breathing and the TV playing in the background) or trying to make lunch orders (Can you bring me a single with cheese, and a chocholate shake? CALL ME!*). Because of this, Mom rarely answers phone calls from the house. This makes getting ahold of her a little difficult for other family members, specifically my 16 yr old sister, Amber (#6). Don't worry, she's adaptable.

    4:09 PM Smith, Jessica

    Amber called me to tell me to call you to tell you to call her. Got that?

    4:10 PM Petrillo, Lauren

    Got it!
4:10 PM Smith, Jessica

"Cause I'm calling from the house phone & she thinks it's Faith so she won't answer." 

Hahaha

4:10 PM Petrillo, Lauren

That is true!

*CALL ME should be read is a pleasant, high pitched, sing-songy type of voice.

Faithisms

For those of you who don't know Faith, she's #4 of 6 in the Petrillo kid line up. She is slightly mentally handicapped, so she will always live at home. She is also stupendously funny & entertaining, as she lives in her own reality. I hope you'll enjoy Faithisms in the manner they are shared - as a way to celebrate a special person.


Email from Mama:

Last night Dad was aching a little and was asking about a supplement (glucosamine…) but could not remember the name.

He said, “what are they called?”

Faith, from the kitchen: “Old Man pills. Hee hee hee”

Diary of a Day

Monday, July 18, 2011


7:45 AM
Drop Lili & Amber off at Mom & Dad's house.


7:55 AM
Receive first phone call from Lili. She's on the porch. I'm standing outside my car in the driveway. We make a plan. I will call her when I get to work, then she will call me back later. She tries to convince me to come give her hugs & kisses goodbye. I remind her I JUST walked out of the house, where she was already given hugs & kisses. Muah, muah, muah, love you, goodbye.


8:00 AM
Crossing the Kit Carson Bridge. Receive second phone call from Lili. "Mama? Are you at work yet?" Confirm plan from earlier is still in place. Muah, muah, muah, love you soooo much, goodbye.


8:10 AM
Arrive at work. Forget plan. Forget to call.


8:15 AM
Call #3. Confirm plan for a 3rd time. She will call me back later.


11:11 AM
Text order for lunch received. I have agreed to bring them food on my lunch hour as otherwise they will survive on peanut butter & ramen noodles & I will have to hear about how huuuungareeee they are when I get off of work.


12:15 PM
Deliver Taco Bell (It’s cheap, it’s fast, it requires little brain activity. This is good because all brain activity is being used to process phone calls & voicemail messages). Find 3 other hungry (grown) siblings at home. Feed all of them on $8.32 worth of food. Escape while they all are distracted.


1:23 PM
Miss call #4 from Lili. Call back & am advised to listen to voicemail and THEN call back again. Listen to voice mail. "Why don't you answer your dumb phone??" Sigh.


1:27 PM
Call back. Scold about excessive use of the word "dumb." Uh huh uh huh uh huh. Get ignored while she watches TV. Agree that she can have a biiiiittttty biiiiitttty bit of ice cream (vanilla).


1:30 PM
Miss call #5. Listen to voicemail before returning call (I've learned my lesson). "Ummm Mama, I'm sorry I wasn't listening when you called, I should've paused my movie." Informs me the ice cream she had "wasn't really vanilla" and she "didn't really have much any" so she was going to go ahead and get more some.


1:32 PM
Return call. Stress NO MORE ICE CREAM. Not even a biiiiittttty biiiittttty TINY bit. Explain I will be home in less than 3 hrs.


2:31 & 2:41 PM
Miss additional phone calls, most likely about dire emergencies such as ice cream.


2:42 – 4:30 PM
Receive no phone calls. Wonder why. Consider calling to check, but decide ignorance is bliss.